And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
