I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
