Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
