fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
