I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
