i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
