I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
