i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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