shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
