btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
