I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
