Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
