She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
