I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
