didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
