she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
