WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
