I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
