oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
