I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Drake has all the answers
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
