My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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