I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.