Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized

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  (602): well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized http://tfl.nu/19cr
  Replies (12) Good night (589) Bad night (1233)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?

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  (703): I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do? http://tfl.nu/dze2
  Replies (36) Good night (486) Bad night (1715)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you

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  (732): It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you http://tfl.nu/fjdb
  Replies (25) Good night (581) Bad night (4891)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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  (917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy
  Replies (262) Good night (20526) Bad night (2068)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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  (304): Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead http://tfl.nu/8a8b
  Replies (25) Good night (4584) Bad night (1568)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete

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  (484): maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete http://tfl.nu/m91r
  Replies (10) Good night (3816) Bad night (773)
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  (718): View more from New York

  ...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex

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  (718): ...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex http://tfl.nu/2clh
  Replies (17) Good night (4819) Bad night (1301)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.

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  (512): apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls. http://tfl.nu/xowh
  Replies (13) Good night (1437) Bad night (4147)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.

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  (803): A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco. http://tfl.nu/eqmh
  Replies (11) Good night (4564) Bad night (1614)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay

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  (512): Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay http://tfl.nu/t4tt
  Replies (9) Good night (4392) Bad night (952)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

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  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
  Replies (49) Good night (2852) Bad night (5021)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?

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  (775): He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him? http://tfl.nu/kkqj
  Replies (19) Good night (670) Bad night (1706)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2

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  (336): He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2 http://tfl.nu/rjqf
  Replies (5) Good night (2047) Bad night (497)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  The pool is covered.....

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Like that would stop me.

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  (781): Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool (1-781): The pool is covered..... (781): Like that would stop me. http://tfl.nu/tch5
  Replies (3) Good night (769) Bad night (523)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message

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  (203): I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message http://tfl.nu/s744
  Replies (0) Good night (532) Bad night (255)

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