shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.