I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
there is glitter all over my balls
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