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I must be too annoying 4 u.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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