Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I sprained my soul last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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