i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
