I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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