I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
