It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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