Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
