so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
