went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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