I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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