We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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