we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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