For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
