Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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