he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
