I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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