Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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