she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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