last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
