Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize