Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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