i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
