yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
