i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
