White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
