We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
