For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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