i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
