I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
