ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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