that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Randomize
