i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize