ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
