So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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