I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
