dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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