:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
