Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
