Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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