problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
