So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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