He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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