I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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