Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
