just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
